It May Happen To Anyone

Plenty of embarrassing moments happened to us during our lifetime. One or two of the occurrences would make us smile when thinking about it even after years passed. Whereas some of the incidence, we may just lock them up deep in our hearts not even our spouses know about it. Feasibly it is not so much of a secret as secret really is but it may sound too foolish to be shared with others. Trust me, after some time lapsed, we would then be able to relate to others and laugh over it.

It was in 1999. I was a senior staff with a public-listed company that had an office in Sun Complex in Bukit Bintang area. For Kuala Lumpur, that area or that building in particular is known for its unwholesome and rampant vice activities. Majority of the apartments above the office floors are used for that purposes. It is not uncommon if one has to cramp up and brush shoulders with the chicks in skimpily-clad outfits and pimps with a mundane looks in the elevator. Every now and then I had to succumb to the repulsion looks from the corner of their eyes suspecting me as an enforcement officer due to my haircut and body build.

Every time when people asked where my office was, it was kind of averse for me to say it out vociferously for having funny feeling that people may get wrong impressions out of its locale. And it’s very true! Some would have a second gaze at me while pondering up something before trying to hide their qualms and to steadily come up with words in continuance. Subtle and understated! Anyway, it was not so much of embarrassment to have had the office in that building but the unexpected incidence that did.

It was after a big meeting. I was checking on something on the computer at the side table to the right of my working table – close to the book rack. My working table was placed at one-third of the room width in that twenty-by-twenty dimension with plenty of space at the back before the 3-foot-high built-in cabinet – close to the wall. While at it, I was trying to recall the points to compare to what was on the screen and they were written in the notes that I had prepared the day before. They slipped off my mind.

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I had a bad habit of piling up the documents, books and notes of current use on the floor before decided to have them filed or arranged by the secretary. The notes were lying on the floor.

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I squat over to get my notes under a thin stack of paper files.

Praaaaaap!!! “Oh, Goodness… Gracious… What the…“. I knew it! I just knew it! That bloody old pants… It had already given me sign when I was out from the driver’s seat in the morning and now I had to pay the price for my ignorance. A whole wide gap of torn in my pants started inches below the fly, right up to the back part of it – more than a foot long. It was amazing that it opened so wide and it ensued almost all at once until I could feel the gush of cool air from the air-conditioner rushing in to my bottom. As quick as it ripped off, I stood up. Looking around not believing what have had happened. One idea after another came playing on my mind searching for a way to have it settled as discreet as possible.

The only possible tailor that I could think of at that moment was one at the ground floor of the building.

Now… the most awkward and uncomfortable walk of my life to sneak out of the room, get to the elevator and tiptoe my way to the tailor. I felt like a drug pusher carrying his commodities to pass through tight securities at the airport to execute from one step of the way to another. Tried my best not to let the staff noticed when I walked pass to the door, leaned as much as possible to the wall of the elevator and let others cleared before cautiously step out and inched my way to the tailor while having to pause every once in a while pretending checking something on my cell phone when people were passing by, made sure no one closer at my back. Need not to mention it has had exhausted a lot of muscles in the butts in efforts to keep it look as natural as possible.

Finally, I was at the tailor.

“Aiyya… Ini bukan tailor wooo… Sini jual butang saja maaa…. Itu sana jalan Federal Hotel wa ingat ada lo…”

“Ah So, sini tak boleh tolong jahit ke, mesin jahit ada tu… Tolong la!”

It was only a small shop. The shop was selling buttons, ribbons, threads and strings but not the tailor that I thought it was. After explaining my predicament and showed her what exactly looked like to my pants, she laughed and agreed to help me out. It was ridiculous for me to walk that far like she had suggested with the problem I was having.

I had to strip off my pants and that middle-aged Chinese lady made me hide behind a flimsy curtain in the corner of the room next to the altar with the deity. She passed me a steel chair to sit on while she was sewing the torn in my pants. We exchange words while she was at it with at times she couldn’t help it but giggling. I could only hear her voice.

An hour before I was in the conference room having high-talk with some big shots and now there I was, sitting on the cold steel chair behind the so-called curtain, half-naked, watching the hairs sticking out from the legs while the upper part of the body complete with the shirt and tie – feeling like an idiot.

I felt like the deity on the altar was comically smiling at me.

GAB: After all only that Ah So knew about it.